Mom's Day. As Mom and without Mom

Mother's Day 2014 is in the history books.  Whew.  Don't get me wrong...my kids and I worked together on a wonderful waffle bar and bacon.  Chocolate chips and marshmallows even.

But I still spent a good amount of time that morning silently crying in the shower.  Being part of the dead mom's club is humbling.  Isn't that an awful name?  Unfortunately it's an even worse feeling.  And although i haven't seen the secret handshake, we all have the same band aid welded into our hearts. The one place we could go and always be unconditionally loved has left the planet.

In my dreams that night, I had a visitor.  My mom.  The first few times she showed up in my dreams, i cried hysterically and clung to her.  She stopped showing up.  Who'd blame her?  But I made a promise to behave if she'd come back.  And slowly she is returning.  My subconsciousness chants...be cool.  Don't cry. Roll with it.  Hug her.  Kiss her cheeks and look her into the eyes.  She knows.

Lately we've been running and playing and coming up with all kinds of crazy hi-jinx.  Laughing and living outside the norm. It feels so good.  We hug good bye.  Sometimes I squeeze her until she disappears.  Poof.

This year I honored the sadness inside, but spent most of my time in the present with Kids 1, 2, 3, and 4.  Kid 1 fried bacon (i think it was an eat one : plate one ratio).  Kid 2 set up the topping buffet.  Kid 3 whipped up the home made waffle batter and Kid 4 set the forks.  My Dad and the love of his life ate with us...along with New Guy.  We smiled and giggled.  Life is good.  Each day is precious in itself.

amy