Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Band Aides and a Broken Heart or Two

Again.  Dog-gone-it.  Just when i think i have this life somewhat figured out the silk table cloth gets yanked out from under my china.  Wobbling fragility. Gasp. Awwww crap.

This one...however...was between me and the man i fell in love with.  Head-over-heals-let's-fly-to-Vegas-baby-because-YOU-are the-perfect-man. I had such a dream built up around our life together.  Coffee and the Sunday paper. Weekend get aways. Shopping for knick knacks.  Home improvement. Yard work.  It all sounded so exquisitely fun to do with him.

And he fell in love with me first.  First!  That has never happened before. See...I'm the silly kind of gal who hands out chunks of her heart faster than a realtor with a business card at a funeral.  Luckily I have strong regenerative tissue, but I'm not the least bit selective in who gets a nibble.  And this time, this time he was giving me an enormous hunk of his before i even finished the inventory on how much i had currently available.

Six months is almost forever in the middle aged dating vortex.  If ya make it that long, ya seemed destined to make it the end zone. 

And I did want to make it.  I wanted him to be the one.   Keep Diet Coke (and Sprite, and Mountain Dew, and whatever else was on sale) in the fridge.  Hang my curtains. Haul in my groceries. Kiss the back of my neck while i wash the dishes.  I wanted him to text/tell me how wonderful i was every night before we fell asleep, forever.

But you all know how the Black Moment of the story sneaks in and undermines the hero and heroine. For me, things just got heavier.  What should we do?  Where should we eat? A stream of lava starts to flow. Participating in each other's past lives.  The heat rises.  Miles from me to him to work.  Steaming pools around the souls of my shoes.  Relationships take a lot of work.  A lot of work.  And my feet feel burning hot...and filled with a need to run. 

I had so hoped that it wouldn't get worse. 

But as with any Black Moment, trouble continued to mount and I was using a ton of energy holding off the break up. 

And he had no idea.  None.  I tried dropping hints, which are 100% ineffective in relationship rescue.  I got quieter.  I talked more.  I pointed things out.  Got bossier.  Quit micro-managing. 

Both of our dreams went up in smoke.  Poof.  Gone. 

New days will come.  New dreams will get summoned.  But I'll leave the band aide on my heart for awhile.  The dogs will have less teary tissues to eat. The emptiness with fill in. And I'll always remember the kindness, the consideration, the admiration, and the LOVE.  xoxo JD.


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