Friday, August 8, 2014

Promises, promises

We've all made them. We've all kept them.  And we've all broken a few.  I'm assuming.  Getting divorced feels like the ultimate broken promise.  I mean...we stood there in front of family and gobs of friends...and God.  Blah, blah, blah...forever and ever. Amen.

But life takes turns we never expect.  Changes happen slowly.  I love the analogy of the frog in a pot of water as it gets set on the stove. The frog doesn't feel the water getting warmer until it says *holy crap...this water is boiling and i gotta get out*.  And if it's lucky enough, it finds a way out.

But now another frog has jumped into the pot.  The water is cooled.  Burner turned off.  She's hanging her clothes on my side of the closet.  Washing dishes in the sink where I used to make morning coffee.  Spending every other week *step-moming* my kids, relearning algebra and Spanish. Whew.

I 'm learning to say that I'm sad about this.  Even though it was the right decision for me.  Even though I know my life is on track for awesome.  It's sad to admit that even after investing time, energy and resources, our marriage couldn't be fixed.  And not to mention that it took less than two years to find a replacement for me.

Please don't hear this as a cry for help.  It is part of my growth.  Make room for sad when it hits.  Snuggle in and welcome it.  Then kiss it good bye when it disappears for a bit.  It always does.

In the meantime...I celebrated his re-marriage day by trading my wedding ring in for a new sparkly band.  An emancipation ring.  A commitment-to-me ring. A *gosh I deserve pretty things* ring.  So refreshing to let that last little bit of *us* go.  Whew.

It will be my daily reminder to Love. Forgive. Grow.  To breath in the fresh air that surrounds me.  To be thankful for the years of staying home with my kids so my expectations of them are seared into their brains...even when I'm not around to give them "the look".  Breathing...


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